Food For Thought

A Collection of Heretical Notions and Wretched Adages
compiled by Jack Tourette

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Contents:



ADVERSITY

I had never complained of the vicissitudes of fortune, nor murmured at the ordinances of heaven, excepting on one occasion, that my feet were bare, and I had not wherewithal to shoe them. In this desponding state I entered the metropolitan mosque at Cufah, and there I beheld a man that had no feet.

Sadi (1184-1291)
Gulistan, or Rose Garden of Beauties, 1258
Chapter III "On the Preciousness of Contentment"
Section XIX
Translated by James Ross


AFTERLIFE

Like the caterpillar, man crawls for a while on the earth; he is then received by it, in the wooden chrysalis, the coffin, where he rests throughout the winter; in the spring he breaks through the shell and rises out of the cold earth, with new and unsullied beauty.

Jean Paul Richter (1763-1825)
Greenland Lawsuits, 1783-1784
Volume II


ALCOHOL

Alcohol is like love: the first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl’s clothes off.

Raymond Chandler (1888-1959)
The Long Goodbye, 1953


ANIMALS

Elephants are considered an endangered species and as such should not be used by U.S. military personnel. There are about 600,000 African elephants and between 30,000 and 50,000 Asian elephants. Approximately 20 percent are in captivity, so it is difficult to estimate their numbers exactly. The Convention of International Trade in Endangered Species regards both species as threatened. Elephants are not the easygoing, kind, loving creatures that people believe them to be. They are, of course, not evil either. They simply follow their biological pattern, shaped by evolution.

Anonymous
Special Forces Use of Pack Animals
U.S. Army Field Manual Number 3-05.213
Chapter 10, Section 41 "Elephants"


BOOKS

There are a hundred faults in this Thing, and a hundred things might be said to prove them beauties: but it is needless. A book may be amusing with numerous errors, or it may be very dull without a single absurdity.

Oliver Goldsmith (1730-1774)
The Vicar of Wakefield, 1792
"Advertisement"


It is remarked by anatomists that the nutritive quality is not the only requisite in food, -- that a certain degree of distension of the stomach is required to enable it to act with its full powers, -- and that it is for this reason hay or straw must be given to horses as well as corn, in order to supply the necessary bulk. Something analogous to this takes place with respect to the generality of minds, -- which are incapable of thoroughly digesting and assimilating what is presented to them in a very small compass. Many a one is capable of deriving that instruction from a moderate-sized volume, which he could not receive from a very small pamphlet, even more perspicuously written, and containing every thing that is to the purpose. It is necessary that the attention should be detained for a certain time on the subject; and persons of unphilosophical mind, though they can attend to what they read or hear, are unapt to dwell upon it in the way of subsequent meditation.

Richard Whately (1787-1863)
Elements of Rhetoric, 1869
Part III, "Of Style"
Chapter I "Of Perspicuity",
Section 2


CIVILIZATION

The first position (I'm not O.K., you're O.K.) [Tom] Harris maintains, in the face of much criticism, in the universal position occupied by the child, who is small, dirty, and clumsy in a world controlled by tall, clean, and deft adults. (Or so it seems to the child.) Here lies a critical theoretical difference between Harris and Eric Berne; for as Harris described it to me, Berne believed that we are born princes and the civilizing process turns us into frogs, while he himself believes that we are all born frogs.

Kenneth Church Lamott (1923-1979)
"The four possible life positions:;
1. I'm not O.K. -- you're O.K.
2. I'm not O.K. -- you're not O.K.
3. I'm O.K. -- you're not O.K.
4. I'm O.K. -- you're O.K."
New York Times magazine
19 November 1972


CLOWNS

Clowns are best in their own Company; but Gentlemen are best every where.

unknown
Gnomologia: Adagies and Proverbs, 1732
Number 1117
Collected by Thomas Fuller (1608-1661)


CONFORMITY

On March 28, 1957, Christopher Morley died at age 66 in Roslyn Heights, New York. After his death, the New York Times and the New York Herald Tribune published a message he had written for his fans and friends:

Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity.

Christopher Morley (1890-1957)
The Man Who Made Friends with Himself, 1949


CONSUMERISM

Predictably, as we bailed on our farms, most of us bailed on food production all together. The magic act that is consumerism depends upon a certain sleight of hand to convince us that it is always better to outsource to others those things that we once did for ourselves. Now, we find ourselves subject to the magician's greatest trick -- in the curious position of having to buy, from total strangers who live many thousands of kilometers away, one of the few key things that we actually require to survive. It makes about as much sense as paying to have somebody blow air into your lungs through an extremely long tube. Only, the air has kind of a stale, farty taste after travelling so far, and the mechanical pump that is doing all of the work is a real bitch of a gas-guzzler.

Clayton Dach
"Grandma vs. Carbon"
Adbusters, Number 73 (U.S. Edition)


CRITICISM

You need good strong ears to hear yourself frankly judged; and since there are few who can undergo it without being hurt, those who risk undertaking it do us a singular act of love, for it is to love soundly to wound and vex a man in the interests of his improvement. I find it harsh to have to judge anyone in whom the bad qualities exceed the good.

Montaigne (1533-1592)
The Complete Essays, 1991
Book II, Chapter 8 "On the affection of fathers for their children"
"For Madame d'Estissac"
Translated by Michael Andrew Screech (b.1926)


CYNICISM

Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us.

Stephen Colbert (b.1964)
2006 Commencement Address
Knox College, Galesburg Illinois
03 June 2006


DEATH

...I know now, and knew then, that no dog is fond of dying, but I have never had a dog that showed a human, jittery fear of death, either. Death, to a dog, is the final unavoidable compulsion, the last ineluctable scent on a fearsome trail, but they like to face it alone, going out into the woods, among the leaves, if there are any leaves when their time comes, enduring without sentimental human distraction the Last Loneliness, which they are wise enough to know cannot be shared by anyone.

James Thurber (1894-1961)
"And So to Medve"
Thurber's Dogs, 1955


Death is not the enemy; living in constant fear of it is. Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what can die inside us while we live.

Norman Cousins (1912-1990)


I have to look at the landscape of the blue-green world again. Just think: in all the clean beautiful reaches of the solar system, our planet alone is a blot; our planet alone has death. I have to acknowledge that the sea is a cup of death and the land is a stained altar stone. We the living are survivors huddled on flotsam, living on jetsam. We are escapees. We wake in terror, eat in hunger, sleep with a mouthful of blood.

Annie Dillard (b.1945)
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, 1974
Chapter 10 "Fecundity"


I think that the dying pray at the last not "please", but "thank you", as a guest thanks his host at the door. Falling from airplanes the people are crying thank you, thank you, all down the air; and the cold carriages draw up for them on the rocks. Divinity is not playful. The universe was not made in jest but in solemn incomprehensible earnest. By a power that is unfathomably secret, and holy, and fleet. There is nothing to be done about it, but ignore it, or see. And then you walk fearlessly, eating what you must, growing wherever you can, like the monk on the road who knows precisely how vulnerable he is, who takes no comfort among death-forgetting men, and who carries his vision of vastness and might around in his tunic like a live coal which neither burns nor warms him, but with which he will not part.

Annie Dillard (b.1945)
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, 1974
Chapter 15 "The Waters of Separation"


When Koko was seven, one of her teachers asked, "When do gorillas die?" and she signed, "TROUBLE, OLD." The teacher also asked, "Where do gorillas go when they die?" and Koko replied, "COMFORTABLE HOLE BYE." When asked "How do gorillas feel when they die -- happy, sad, afraid?" she signed, "SLEEP." Koko's reference to holes in the context of death has been consistent and is puzzling since no one has ever talked to her about burial, nor demonstrated the activity. [T]here may be an instinctive basis for this....

Francine Patterson (b.1947)
and Wendy Gordon
"The Case for the Personhood of Gorillas"
In The Great Ape Project: Equality Beyond Humanity, 1993
Edited by Paola Cavalieri and Peter Singer


DOGS

Charley is a tall dog. As he sat in the seat beside me, his head was almost as high as mine. He put his nose close to my ear and said, "Ftt." He is the only dog I ever knew who could pronounce the consonant F. This is because his front teeth are crooked, a tragedy which keeps him out of dog shows; because his upper front teeth slightly engage his lower lip Charley can pronounce F. The word "Ftt" usually means he would like to salute a bush or a tree. I opened the cab door and let him out, and he went about his ceremony. He doesn't have to think about it to do it well. It is my experience that in some areas Charley is more intelligent than I am, but in others he is abysmally ignorant. He can't read, can't drive a car, and has no grasp of mathematics. But in his own field of endeavor, which he was now practicing, the slow, imperial smelling over and anointing of an area, he has no peer. Of course his horizons are limited, but how wide are mine?

John Steinbeck (1902-1968)
Travels With Charley: In Search of America, 1962
Part Two


DRUGS

If there existed no external means for dimming their consciences, one-half of the men would at once shoot themselves, because to live contrary to one's reason is a most intolerable state, and all men of our time are in such a state.

Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
"The Kingdom of God is Within You; Or, Christianity Not as
a Mystical Teaching but as a New Concept of Life", 1893
Part V
Translated by Leo Wiener


DRUG WAR

...a spiritual and a moral response [to the drug problem] is required. Those who believe that because of modernity the categories of right and wrong, of good and evil, no longer apply need to take a close, hard look at the drug problem. If one doesn’t believe in the struggle of the psychomachia -- what I was taught to recognize as the struggle between good and evil for possession of the human soul -- then one might never get to the heart of this drug problem.

William John Bennett (b.1943)
"Drugs and the Face of Evil"
First Things, December 1990


ECOLOGY

There are two kinds of satisfactory landscape. One is Nature undisturbed by human intervention. We shall have less and less of this as the world population increases. We must make a strenuous effort to preserve what we can of primeval Nature, lest we lose the opportunity to re-establish contact now and then with our biological origins. A sense of continuity with the past and with the rest of creation is a form of religious experience essential to sanity.

The other kind of satisfactory landscape is one created by human toil, in which, through progressive adjustments based on feeling and thought, as well as on trial and error, man has achieved a kind of harmony between himself and natural forces. What we long for is rarely Nature in the raw; more often it is a landscape suited to human limitations and shaped by the efforts and aspirations that have created civilized life. The charm of New England or of the Pennsylvania Dutch countryside is not a product of chance, nor did it result from man's "conquest" of nature. Rather it is the expression of a subtle process through which the natural environment was humanized in accordance with its own individual genius. This constitutes the wooing or the taming of nature as defined by Tagore and Saint Exupery.

Rene Dubos (1901-1982)
So Human an Animal, 1968
Chapter 6 "The Science of Humanity"


FOOLS

Fools when they do hear are like the deaf: of them does the saying bear witness that they are absent when present.

Heraclitus (c.540-c.480 BC)
Fragments
Translated by John Burnet, 1908


GENIUS

Nothing is secure but life, transition, the energizing spirit.... People wish to be settled; only as far as they are unsettled is there any hope for them.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
"Circles"
Essays: First Series, 1841


Passion, though a bad regulator, is a powerful spring. Any absorbing passion has the effect to deliver from the little coils and cares of every day: 'tis the heat which sets our human atoms spinning, overcomes the friction of crossing thresholds, and first addresses in society, and gives us a good start and speed, easy to continue, when once it is begun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
The Conduct of Life, 1860
Chapter VII "Considerations by the Way"


HABIT

It was the peculiar artifice of Habit not to suffer her power to be felt at first. Those whom she led, she had the address of appearing only to attend, but was continually doubling her chains upon her companions; which were so slender in themselves, and so silently fastened, that while the attention was engaged by other objects, they were not easily perceived. Each link grew tighter as it had been longer worn; and when by continual additions they became so heavy as to be felt, they were very frequently too strong to be broken.

Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
"The Vision of Theodore, the Hermit of Teneriffe,
found in his cell", 1748


IDENTITY

One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passersby see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and continue on the way.

Vincent van Gogh (1853-1890)
Letter to his brother Theo
The Complete van Gogh, 1977
By Jan Hulsker


INDIVIDUALITY

"We" consists of "I". There's the word "I." No wonder,
In me, it is hostile to non-being.
It's deep within me. At one blow it was hammered
Into me, right up to its head, like a nail.

Yevgeniy Vinokurov (b.1925)
"'I'"
Translated by George Reavey (1907-1976)
The New Russian Poets: 1953-1966, 1966


LANGUAGE

Effective writing is a human necessity in anything resembling a democratic culture, and this becomes increasingly true as the culture becomes increasingly complex. If the effective use of language cannot be taught, or if it is not to be taught to a far greater extent than it has been, we may well have occasion to despair of the grand experiment dreamed by Voltaire, championed by Washington and Franklin, and cherished by the American people through many generations. And if we must despair of that, then truly, even if you do learn to speak correct English, it may well not seem to matter very much "who you talk it to." For when the people cannot adequately speak or write their language, there arise strong men to speak and write it for them -- and "at" them.

Wendell Johnson (1906-1965)
"You Can't Write Writing"
ETC: A Review of General Semantics
Volume 1, Number 1, August 1943


LONELINESS

Our language has wisely sensed those two sides of man's being alone. It has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.

Paul Johannes Tillich (1886-1965)
"Loneliness and Solitude", 1957
The Eternal Now: Sermons, 1963


MEMORY

When a man rides a long time through wild regions he feels the desire for a city. Finally he comes to Isidora, a city where the buildings have spiral staircases encrusted with spiral seashells, where perfect telescopes and violins are made, where the foreigner hesitating between two women always encounters a third, where cockfights degenerate into bloody brawls among the bettors. He was thinking of all of these things when he desired a city. Isidora, therefore, is the city of his dreams: with one difference. The dreamed-of city contained him as a young man; he arrives at Isidora in his old age. In the square there is the wall where the old men sit and watch the young go by; he is seated in a row with them. Desires are already memories.

Italo Calvino (1923-1985)
Invisible Cities, 1972
Part 1, "Cities & Memory: 2"


MONEY

If Heaven had looked upon riches to be a valuable thing, it would not have given them to such a scoundrel.

Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
Letter to Miss Vanhomrigh, 12-13 August 1720


NATURE

Nature is, above all, profligate. Don't believe them when they tell you how economical and thrifty nature is, whose leaves return to the soil. Wouldn't it be cheaper to leave them on the tree in the first place? This deciduous business alone is a radical scheme, the brainchild of a deranged manic-depressive with limitless capital. Extravagance! Nature will try anything once. This is what the sign of the insects says. No form is too gruesome, no behavior too grotesque. If you're dealing with organic compounds, then let them combine. If it works, if it quickens, set it clacking in the grass; there's always room for one more; you ain't so handsome yourself. This is a spendthrift economy; though nothing is lost, all is spent.

Annie Dillard (b.1945)
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, 1974
Chapter 4 "The Fixed"


I don't know what it is about fecundity that so appalls. I suppose it is the teeming evidence that birth and growth, which we value, are ubiquitous and blind, that life itself is so astonishingly cheap, that nature is as careless as it is bountiful, and that with extravagance goes a crushing waste that will one day include our own cheap lives, Henle's loops and all. Every glistening egg is a momento mori.

Annie Dillard (b.1945)
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, 1974
Chapter 10 "Fecundity"


OBSCENITY

The vocabulary of an omniscient man would embrace words and images excluded from polite conversation. What would be base, or even obscene, to the obscene, becomes illustrious, spoken in a new connexion of thought.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
"The Poet"
Essays: Second Series, 1844


POINT/COUNTERPOINT

I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all. Bible, Ecclesiastes 9:11

Objective considerations of contemporary phenomena compel the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity, but that a considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken into account.

George Orwell (1903-1950)
"Politics and the English Language", 1946
Shooting an Elephant and Other Essays, 1950


POLITICIANS

With the highest [kind of rulers], those below simply know they exist. With those one step down—they love and praise them. With those one further step down—they fear them. And with those at the bottom—they ridicule and insult them.

When trust is insufficient, there will be no trust [in them]. Hesitant, undecided! Like this is his respect for speaking.

Lao-tzu (c.604-c.531 BC)
Tao Te Ching, Number 17
Translated by Robert G. Henricks, 1989


POWER

Nothing discloses real character like the use of power. It is easy for the weak to be gentle. Most people can bear adversity. But if you wish to know what a man really is, give him power. This is the supreme test. It is the glory of Lincoln that, having almost absolute power, he never abused it, except on the side of mercy.

Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
"Abraham Lincoln", 1894
Works of Robert G. Ingersoll Lectures, 1929
Volume III "Lectures"


PREJUDICE

I used to think that a Southerner had to be always conscious of niggers. I thought that Northerners would expect him to. When I first came East I kept thinking You've got to remember to think of them as colored people not niggers, and if it hadn't happened that I wasn't thrown with many of them, I'd have wasted a lot of time and trouble before I learned that the best way to take all people, black or white, is to take them for what they think they are, then leave them alone. That was when I realised that a Nigger is not a person so much as a form of behavior; a sort of obverse reflection of the white people he lives among.

William Faulkner (1897-1962)
The Sound and the Fury
"June Second, 1910"


REALITY

A rather serious consequence of dropping causality in the external world is that it leaves us with no clear distinction between the Natural and the Supernatural.

Arthur Stanley Eddington (1882-1944)
"Natural and Supernatural"
Gifford Lectures, University of Edinburgh January-March 1927
The Nature of the Physical World, 1929
Chapter XIV "Causation"


Recognizing that the physical world is entirely abstract and without "actuality" apart from its linkage to consciousness, we restore consciousness to the fundamental position instead of representing it as an inessential complication occasionally found in the midst of inorganic nature at a late stage of evolutionary history.

Arthur Stanley Eddington (1882-1944)
Gifford Lectures, University of Edinburgh January-March 1927
The Nature of the Physical World, 1929
Chapter XV "Science and Mysticism"


REASON

Thoughts without content are void; intuitions without conceptions, blind.

Immanuel Kant (1724-1804)
Critique of Pure Reason, 1781
Part II "Transcendental Logic"
Section I "Of Logic in general"


RELIGION

Take any religious mystery, any theological proposition: expressed in ordinary terms it will read like sheer nonsense to the outsider, from the ritualistic, symbolic eating of human flesh and blood practiced by all the Christian sects to the outright cannibalism practiced by some savages.

Robert Anson Heinlein (1907-1988)
The Sixth Column, 1949
Part 3


SECURITY

When asked why we have not had a terrorist attack on US soil since 9.11, I give three reasons. First, the President's early decision to go after the terrorists wherever they could be found in the world weakened their capabilities and served as a powerful disincentive to strike us again. Second, the preventative and protective security measures taken by our Federal, state, and local governments -- coordinated and not -- have made it harder for terrorists to operate here. And, third, I believe that the hard-won Constitutional freedoms enjoyed by Americans, along with our unparalleled commitment to civil liberties embedded in law, work against the development of domestic terrorist networks that could be exploited by foreigners. In this context, America stands in marked and magnificent contrast to many of the regimes I covered daily and experienced on the ground as a CIA analyst. When I think through the implications of a nationwide domestic intelligence service under the control of the Executive Branch, I conclude that it is neither needed nor desirable in our society. At best, the proposal is premature.

Dr. John Gannon
"FBI Oversight"
Testimony before United States Senate Committee on the Judiciary
02 May 2006


STUPIDITY

Common sense isn't reflective in the least and in the end is nothing more than a collection of prejudices.

Emile Durkheim (1858-1917)
Durkheim's Philosophy Lectures:
Notes from the Lycée de Sens Course, 1883-1884

Part I "Preliminary Matters"
Chapter 2 "The Object and Method of Philosophy (Conclusion)"
Edited and Translated by Neil Gross and Robert Alun Jones, 2004


TASTE

It is for want of education and discipline that a man so often insists petulantly on his random tastes, instead of cultivating those which might find some satisfaction in the world and might produce in him some pertinent culture. Untutored self-assertion may even lead him to deny some fact that should have been patent, and plunge him into needless calamity. His Utopias cheat him in the end, if indeed the barbarous taste he has indulged in clinging to them does not itself lapse before the dream is half formed. So men have feverishly conceived a heaven only to find it insipid, and a hell to find it ridiculous. Theodicies that were to demonstrate an absolute cosmic harmony have turned the universe into a tyrannous nightmare, from which we are glad to awake again in this unintentional and somewhat tractable world. Thus the fancies of effeminate poets in violating science are false to the highest art, and the products of sheer confusion, instigated by the love of beauty, turn out to be hideous. A rational severity in respect to art simply weeds the garden; it expresses a mature æsthetic choice and opens the way to supreme artistic achievements. To keep beauty in its place is to make all things beautiful.

George Santayana (1863-1952)
The Life of Reason; or the Phases of Human Progress, 1905
Volume Four "Reason in Art"
Chapter IX "Justification of Art"


TELEVISION

The worst thing about this modern world is that people think you get killed on television with zero pain and zero blood. It must enter into kids' heads that it's not very messy to kill somebody, and it doesn't hurt that much. That's a real sickness to me. That's a real sick thing.

David Lynch (b.1946)
"A Dark Lens On America"
By Richard B. Woodward
The New York Times Magazine, 14 January 1990


TRAVEL

So abundant and novel are the objects of interest in a pure wilderness that unless you are pursuing special studies it matters little where you go, or how often to the same place. Wherever you chance to be always seems at the moment of all places the best; and you feel that there can be no happiness in this world or in any other for those who may not be happy here.

John Muir (1838-1914)
Travels in Alaska, 1915
Chapter 5 "A Cruise in the Cassiar"


TRUTH

Thou shalt know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.

Raymond Melbourne Weaver (1888-1948)
Herman Melville, Mariner and Mystic, 1921
Chapter I "Devil's Advocate"


WARTS

Many very intelligent agreeable persons have warts on the forehead, not brown, nor very large, between the eyebrows, which have nothing in them offensive or disgusting. -- But a large brown wart on the upper lip, especially when it is bristly, will be found in no person who is not defective in something essential, or at least remarkable for some conspicuous failing.

Johann Kaspar Lavater (1741-1801)
Essays on Physiognomy, 1804
Volume III, Part II, Chapter LXXVIII "Warts"
Translated by Thomas Holcroft


WORK

...the price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

James Baldwin (1924-1987)
"Tha Black Boy Looks at the White Boy"
Esquire, May 1961


© 1999 by MonkeyPants Press, an imprint of Bonobo Books, a division of Consolidated Trout, Ltd.
Last update: 01-April-2008
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